Innocence

Recently, Butterfly posted about feeling that she had stolen someone’s innocence by telling them that childhood sexual abuse exists. I was thinking about a book I read, and feeling somewhat the same way.

Fiance exposed me to this really great book, The Iron Dragon’s Daughter. The book is a raw, tumultuous ride through the life of a changeling child captured and brought to live in the faerie world. Given my love of The Onion Girl, I’m sure you can guess that it was right up my alley.

Still, I was somewhat perturbed by some topics in it. There was obvious sexual abuse, sometimes between adults and sometimes between adults and children or beings without proper ability to consent. I don’t recommend the book for someone who’s extremely easy to trigger and doesn’t want to explore those themes. I do, because I feel more whole, cleaner, when I can face those topics as handled carefully and come out the other side.

Regardless, there comes a point in the book called the Teind. The Teind is a phenomena where the faeries sacrifice a certain number of their own to hell so that the devil will leave faerie alone.  I call it a phenomena instead of just something that happens because it seems supernatural in quality; people who are on the list for the Teind are not stabbed on an altar.  They and everyone else goes insane for the night in a huge riot-like party, and in the morning, they count the dead.

During the description of this party, I had this strange feeling. It was almost as though someone had finally described just how terrible the world could be, unabashedly, wantonly, without any regard for propriety. Obviously the supernatural effects were not quite what I would call realistic, but it remained that I was left shaking. I mentioned it to my fiance, and he said, “Oh yeah, that’s some pretty horrible stuff there.” I said, “That’s how I feel about the world sometimes.”

He lost it, a little bit, and took a long time to recover. I felt like I had broken something in his mind.

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~ by oniongirl13 on April 12, 2009.

3 Responses to “Innocence”

  1. I think you hit it exactly, that feeling of stealing someone’s innocence so inadvertantly. I guess the truth is, it is difficult knowing any of us survivors of child sexual abuse, because it forces everyone to know that horrible things happen in the world. I suppose the truth is that when people fuck children, it has a terrible ripple effect everywhere. That is the consequence of evil, and one of the many reasons that people shouldn’t fuck kids.

    However, I also think that the reverse is true. When one perpetrates a kindness onto someone else, that too has a ripple effect. I remember reading somewhere that our mission is to sow the seeds of kindness everywhere even when we don’t know when the garden will grow.

    I think you have made my garden grow with your kind words about my blog, OnionGirl.

    • I can’t really begin to describe how happy that makes me. Suffice to say, you’ve inspired me, and any way I can bring you happiness, I will. Thank you.

  2. At my recent yearly exam my female doc said people are happier, a study recently showed, who have a less than accurate view of the world. Told her, yeah denial is good for increasing happiness levels.

    Holding on to the reality of the evil that monsters do can make it hard to live in this world and it does affect someone, even if they aren’t an abuse survivor. Keeping that reality inside of us, inside our soul does change things.

    It makes the world a better, more healed place. It makes us open to helping someone else to heal. It makes it easier for another person to tell their own truth.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

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