Get on the Bus

I was thinking today about the cycle of abuse and neglect in my life, and how my family was abusive. Now, let me be clear: My mother was rarely violent at all and hit me or touched me only once or twice in my life. I remember both incidents clearly and I remember telling her that it was abusive and that she had to stop right then. But my family was neglectful and abusive, and it cycled something like this:

General neglect. I would be unnoticed. The computer was more interesting than I was, or her friends were, or her latest relationship was. My parents were into a lot of adult “scenes” that I was (obviously) left out of, so I spent a lot of Friday nights at home alone while they went out to a club, as young as ten years old. Then, when the Monster moved in, I was alone with him whenever they were at work, and since they worked third shift, that was a lot.

A catalyst. I would do something to arouse their attention. My grades would drop, my room would be messy, or I would be caught stealing food from the local convenience store. Suddenly they noticed, and they were outraged. I remember clearly one time that this happened; I missed the bus. This is such a stupid, minor thing, but it was something that upset my mother so very much. I remember clearly what she said to me that day, right before she hit me and broke a blood vessel by my eye, giving me a shiner that would last a week. She said, “How dare you inconvenience me this way.”

I am her daughter. She had no right to say that, of all things. I was never an inconvenience to her. I was a child, and her responsibility, so nothing I did was an inconvenience. It was her duty to take care of me, and that meant helping me out when I needed it.

Years later, my mother has improved. She’s still immature, but I’m still working through the way she acted when I was younger. I’m sure I’ll revisit this, but this is all I can write for now.

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~ by oniongirl13 on April 13, 2009.

3 Responses to “Get on the Bus”

  1. Dear OnionGirl,

    Thank you for this brave and moving post.

  2. Stories like yours are difficult to read and they need to be written so that others can see the true nature of abuse. Thanks.

  3. I am so enraged at her casual treatment of you, Onion Girl. I would love to slap that woman’s face that day.

    Kate

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