I have, time and again, dated someone only to then find out that I no longer wanted to sleep with them. It was an interesting thing, where I was like, huh, why is it that I don’t want to sleep with them? What’s wrong with me? Then I began to realize that the same thing had happened every time in almost exactly this order.

1. We have crazy fun awesome amazing sex for a while.
2. Something happens. One of us is sick, or goes away, or gets super stressed from work.
3. Partner makes a whiny comment about how all the sex stopped.
4. I never, ever want to fuck them again.

Thing is, I have maintained decent sexual relationships over time. There’s someone in my life that I’ve been having good sex with for… Oh, seven years, on and off, when I’ve been in a non-poly situation or whatever. That person also is the only one in my entire life to ever flat out say: “Hey, I feel like an orgasm. I’m gonna go whack off. Wanna join me?”

For the very first time in perhaps ever, someone came to me saying, “I have a desire for physical gratification which I can get with or without you and do not think you ‘owe’ me. Would you like some as well?”

There are, I’m sure, a lot of counterarguments about how intimacy is necessary for relationships and how people feel really shitty when their SO stops wanting sex and how they NEED sex and you know, no. You don’t need sex. You need companionship, human contact, maybe even snuggles. You don’t need sex. You got by just fine without it before you started having it, probably for 25 years or more given that attitude.

When it comes right down to it, it’s not my job to breathe for my SO, or supply them with all the food they can eat and put it in their mouths for them, or to personally build a house so they have shelter, or to sleep next to them all the time so they’re warm. We meet our own needs as human beings. You’re not a wolf cub, you don’t need your fucking food pre-chewed for you and vomited up, and you don’t need my vagina in order to get off. If your right hand is tired, just don’t tell it you’re considering an affair with lefty.

Thing is, I like sex. I’m not sitting here saying I’d prefer to be frigid and nasty and any guy who dates me better get used to never getting laid. What I am saying is that I’m fucking done with being bullied and bullshitted into sex. I’m done with the notion that I OWE someone sex. I don’t owe anyone sex. So you can sit and bitch that we haven’t had sex in X many days, sure. Just know the second you do, you won’t have sex with me again.

I’m so fucking done with taking pressure for sex.


~ by oniongirl13 on June 22, 2011.

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