Marking Time

Marking Time

Between the moments when
I can revel, enjoy, feel alive
I exist without inspiration, trapped
In a constant ache of ennui
I stare at the fan over my head and imagine
Rotors of an airplane I am falling into
A villain’s table saw I am inevitably headed for
The water in the tub as the drain spins red in my mind’s eye
Lingering in dreams better than reality
A haze of chemicals ebbing through my brain
I wonder how I will ever be more than this
A shell, hiding the emptiness inside
Like a chocolate rabbit, terribly cruel
Disappointing a child on Easter morning
A typewriter when they wanted a new computer
The foolish, useless little broken doll of a child
Who has grown up.
I dwell there until the light cracks through the drapes on my window
Until the sky becomes less grey
And the shell seems less hollow
But when I am in the dark watching the fan
Staring at the drain
Sleeping in the hopes of never waking
I am only marking time.

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~ by oniongirl13 on November 12, 2012.

2 Responses to “Marking Time”

  1. Wow. Very powerful.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

  2. Hi there,
    This was just so like my own feelings, in fact I wrote a piece (not nearly so good as yours!) with the same title a couple of months back. I hope you don’t mind me sharing:

    MARKING TIME
    DAYS PASSING BY
    FROZEN INSIDE
    TRYING TO SURVIVE
    MARKING TIME

    WEEKS PASSING BY
    EXISTING NOT LIVING
    DEAD IN MY MIND
    MARKING TIME

    MONTHS PASSING BY
    MISSING OUT ON LIFE
    STUCK ON THE DARK SIDE
    MARKING TIME

    LIFE PASSING BY
    TRAPPED IN A VOID
    NOT MOVING FORWARD
    MARKING TIME

    Cathy

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